Solitude can often b nerve cracking, annoying and irritating most often. But then again it has d uncanny habit of letting u know who u really are. Cos u tend to think more when u r alone…all your energy is spent thinking about stuffs u generally wouldn’t have bothered about.. and deep within through all this u mite just come to know ‘hw u think’ or ‘hw does ur thought process work’… now now, don’t think it to b some psychology class from a jobless guy… m getting to d point.. but then a little build up is not harming is it..
Sometime back.. I was in the middle of a crisis.. met with a near fatal accident.. had my leg broken..and was bed ridden for 2 months and needed crutches for d next two.. once out of d crutches I was asked 2 still take care and nt strain too much.. so tat nearly confined me to hostel room for some time.. 3rd yr of engineering meant even lesser interest to study ( it’s a fact : d sincerity towards an exam is inversely proportional to the semesters) . so my hostel friends preferred to stay outside and have fun.. while I dealt with my loneliness by tuning up d radio nd hearing timeless tamil songs ( wt do u expect radio channels in Chennai to play ). Even that din last long and I found myself bored again.. my thoughts wandered around and eventually got tired too… I realized I ws talking too much to myself.. sounds crazy naa..??? absolutely… I ws beginning to think I ws becoming some dimwit.. but then I met someone…
I refer this someone as ‘It’…Moving on… So this ‘It’ came into my life and we started talking. ‘It’ was going thru a fantastic period in its life and thus ‘it’ had a lot of cheerfulness in itself.. so I got someone who din have sorrows to add up to mine. As we spoke.. there seemed to b something very strange happening…’it’ seemed to like d same thing tat I did… same movies tat I did… same people like I did.. but then again ‘it’ was cheerful. Hours passed as v exchanged nd spoke about our day’s activities during d night time… strangely enough.. if I had good day at coll so wud ‘it’, if I had a bad day so wud ‘it’. If I had lot of practical records to write… so much so tat I couldn spend time talking and chatting… ‘it’ wud b busy too… I din think about it too much… because I was enjoying every bit of this new found companion.
Soon enough I was getting attached to ‘it’.. I couldn think anything but ‘it’. ‘it’ seemed to have all d answers to my worries.. personal professional..u name it..’it’ was just fantastic… I realized I couldn’t think of doing anything without ‘it’. I had my crush I told ‘it’ , I had a fight I told ‘it’ , I got blasted by my teacher I told ‘it’…. There was nothing tat v din talk about… and slowly I realized ‘it’ was a blessing… for I din feel lonely anymore.. I had ‘it’ to turn to. I couldn’t stop but talk to ‘it’. Whatever ‘it’ told I did… I had conflicting views with ‘it’ related to my problem’s solutions.. but ‘it’ made me adhere to what ‘it’ said and things started to change.. and whoa… I tasted success.. lots of it.. ‘it’ was a genius.. ’it’ became god to me.. ‘it’ was creeping upon my mind.. ’it’ became a part of my soul… there was no letting go… for I had fallen deeply in need of ‘it’ for every stage of my life..
Years months and days have passed but ‘it’ remains close to me.. by my side.. wherever I head.. I have ‘it’ with me… now comes d deep riding question.. what or who is ‘it’..?? is ‘it’ a guy or a girl.. m I in love or m I just friends with ‘it’. ‘it’ is a deep sense within…within everyone of us.. cos d ‘it’ of this story is my ‘alter-ego ‘ like al of us possess. ‘it’ is my best friend cos it is always thr to talk. ‘it’ doesn leave my side.. ‘it’ doesn’t run away.. ‘it’ loves me…
Yes ‘it’ is my alter ego like anyone else’s.. a recent story on discovery channel emphasized d importance of one’s alter ego within.. that made me think about this episode of my life.. I had ‘it’ within all along but I needed ‘it’ most when I was alone.. my first blog had to be about this someone special… and who better than ‘it’ ….
Godbless atheism..!!!
